The stress factor and bipolar disorder

Last night watching the local news all we hear about is how bad the economy is and how our state is running out of funds. Jobs are scarce.....blah blah blah.....(insert more bad news).

My husband looks over at me and says, you may not get your social security. I told him that I don't think that is effected because it is federal, not state. He says, they are running out of money too. (ugh).

So this morning I wake up with massive hives. My face is swollen and I am itching like a son of a bitch!!!! Just finished putting cortisone cream all over to stop the itch and I am holding off on taking a xanax because I hate to take them. They work, but are so addictive that I only take them if I cannot stop the anxiety attack on my own.

What scares me is that without my social security disability, I have no way of getting my medical needs met. No way to pay for my medications and without them and the added stress, I could land in the hospital and have to start from zero to recuperate.

I am in a program for people with disabilities to return to gainful employment but with the state of the economy it is not happening fast enough. Oh how I want to go back to work. Unfortunately with my condition, I cannot handle too much stress. That's not to say that I cannot handle a stressful job, I cannot handle people who cause stress. My body shuts down and I get very sick. Then the mania sets in and I go off the deep end.

I want a job where I can work independently. I don't do well with people. Not all people, there have been some people I got along with greatly while working, it just takes one to be abusive towards people and I cannot handle it emotionally. I also tend to take things too personally when most people let it roll right off. I try not to let things bother me but it is part of the bipolar disorder. I cannot help it at times. Its a trigger that sets off a major depression or a manic episode. Both of which usually require a hospitalization and months of daily outpatient therapy to heal from.