Forcing myself to socialize during the holidays

I tend to isolate myself for the same reasons. Often when invited somewhere with friends I will become anxious and think of every thing that could go wrong. I finally ran out of excuses with one of my freinds who lives about 5 hours away. He wanted my husband and I to stay over for Thanksgiving. I was anxious all week before we were supposed to leave on our trip. I even got one of what I call, "Stress cold" and wanted so badly to use that as an excuse. I went to the doctor and it turned out that I had an ear infection brought on by allergies. Now, when I have panic attacks it does affect me in the way that my sinuses get all stopped up. I was put on antibiotics so I didn't really have an excuse to not go.

I was worried sick over this trip, but the drive up was beautiful. Now that I am here, I have had a lot of fun. I'm so glad I came because it got me out of my regular routine and opened me up to new experiences and made me want to get out more.

I don't go around telling everyone that I have bi-polar disorder but when I have built a relationship with my friends I will talk about it and they are usually understanding. It's not like I act crazy. My illness just makes me more passionate and I tend to take things more seriously and what I do is dwell on things that most people let go of. So, I admit that I can be moody. Sometimes I'm more animated and other times I'm quiet. It doesn't bother my friends. If I have been moody, I usually apologize and most of the time it's not as bad as I thought it was.

For me, there are just going to be times that I practically have to be dragged out into the social world and force myself to do things that I might otherwise not do. When I arrive at my destination I most always have a great time and am grateful that I didn't sit at home.

Most people in this world have the same insecurities, anxiety, ups and downs that I have. It's not like having bi-polar disorder makes me a freak of nature. I just happen to feel all of this stuff on a deeper level than those who are considered "normal". I think that is why so many artists, writers, composers, actors, and other great people who have made a huge difference in this world were not considered "normal". Often the "normal" people are afraid of what they don't understand and those who treat me like we I'm crazy are just ignorant. At least I am getting help and doing what I can for my health. I don't think there are any medications or cures for stupidity. =) That's my take on dealing with the world.