I want to see the ocean, feel the sunshine and breezes on my skin. I want something to look forward to.
A reason to wake up.
At times it feels like I'm in the dark so much that there isn't any chance that the slightest flicker of light can get beyond the solid steel shield that my pysche puts up to protect my soul. My soul is trapped inside. I want to be in the light.
I watch the birds sometimes and wish that I too could fly away.
When problems come about and I find myself with few resources and the problems piling up, I want to end it. I think about it a lot. I don't want pain, and I don't really want to die. I just want the pain to stop. I want to feel peace.
Tonight I googled, "I'm feeling like I want to die." to see if I could find something, ANYTHING to help and I did get this website which was very helpful. I will try to refer back to it if or I should say WHEN the next episode of suicidal thoughts take over and I'm in this mood. http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
It's late, I'm tired. Hope I can sleep. Just took half of a seroquel and it's taking effect. Tomorrow I'll go back to that website and read some more. I hate feeling depressed.
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